Sunday, June 20, 2010

Screw you and your Mr. Mom Bull. (Happy Father's day)

So of course it's Father's Day, which means a bunch of fluff pieces about Dads and even stay-at-home-dads. Of course, thanks to Michael Frikking Keaton, 86.7% of these will roughly contain the phrase "Mr. Mom."

Case in point from today

I am not a Mr. Mom. I am not a manny. I am not some schmuck in an apron who doesn't know how to vacuum and feeds the kids chili. I am not going to blow up the house, or any of that crap.

The phrase intimates that I am TRYING to be mom. I am doing nothing of the sort and anyone who is needs a talking to.

I tell my kids to walk it off. I laugh at a little blood. I do not panic unless stitches or a cast will be necessary.

A face full of dirt is fine until you are done playing football. Even if you are a girl. My mouth is sufficient to sanitize a pacifier (well maybe not, but in a pinch what are you going to do?).

If my child shoves your child because your child was nasty to her, I will tell you she deserved it, even while I scold my child for getting physical. If our children are rolling around on the grass (or mud, or asphalt, or dog poo) rough-housing and they are laughing, I will not intervene, unless one is on the brink of bone-damage. If one cries, I will help them up, and get them to laugh it off.

I am a Dad and proud of it. I am not a mom. And if you call me one, I'm liable to punch you in the face.

Thank you.

2 comments:

  1. Enjoyed this brash post as well as the one below on travel. Just got back from a trip myself. My little guy was fussy on the flight and I was trying to soothe him by singing "row, row, your boat." The business traveler in the seat in front of me kept asking me to keep my singing down...

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  2. "Well, would you prefer screaming in a high pitched voice?"

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